dysTalk I Find - Dyspraxia - Forum - dysTalk

I am 25 years of age I struggled at school as a child, not because I couldn't do the work because though my Mother and Father tried to help me cope. At times I found my father asking me to write 4 pages of A4 paper copying it from a book to be frustrating and irksome. Though I know he meant well he will never understand how hard he was pushing me with my inability to write legibly though with extreme concentration my cursive writing is more legible than my basic. My mother and father got divorced and we returned to the UK, where life was, well lets just say Mother was good to me but the instances in our life from then on weren't so good.

I was bullied from the time I can recall, I mean that even over in the states I was bullied for being english I guess being different, then coming back to the UK I recieved the same treatment. I made my self disappear so to speak I chose rather than socialise and risk being ridiculed for what I say or thought to venture around on my own, when in a group I would have some of the lads in the different groups I ventured into make fun of me for one reason or another, most of them did it to fit in with the others of the different groups I guess. Even outside school it was the same. I was always accused of taking things too seriously because I did I don't know I just took what they said as what they meant and reacted. According to my Head of year, so my mum says ''I was always fighting'' I don't recall much of my school time anymore so I couldn't say really.

I kept trying to get myself suspended or excluded if I could because I hated school for obvious reasons. Even though some teachers tried to take me under their wing, I got on really well with them. I understood them better than those my own age. I frustrated them though because of the way I refused to write stuff down because regardless of my writing I one couldnt write fast enough to get what I wanted to say down on paper, and two even making notes was pointless. what makes them think if they cant read my writing that I will be able to?

I sunk into a deep depression, I went to destroy myself several times but a good person generally collared me before I could manage it. My mother had to suffer seeing me miserable day after day and so even with her difficulties in life could only play ''cheerful'' music (difficulties being emotional ups and downs nothing dangerous =D) she knew how down I was I would tell her vile things about what I wished I could do to my bullies...

I ended up being thrown out of a class due to a clash of personalities with a tutor who had an alcohol problem and refused to teach me as because of my stubborn will I wouldnt back down not that it came to anything more than verbal debate but she broke down in tears. Some two years later she died of alcohol abuse not that I was or am happy about such. still I was left to rot in the lowest group. because too much time had passed and they couldnt catch me up.

I left school with rather poor marks though I did well in some but I did no studying whatsoever. I went to college and studied a pointless course. eventually I started to argue with my mother.

I managed to make a couple friends and those friends I truly valued though we have lost touch now. It was hard to make friends it still is now.

I have to think how to say things without being reffered to as a dictionary, or bookworm, though they don't mean it nastily my friends don't realise that even to this day such remarks bring back old memories.

I got my first full time job working in a warehouse at night, well evenings really I spent two years there. I then got i dont know unmotivated I no longer wanted to go to a job where I froze to the bone all the time my boss would yell at me for not moving fast enough. so I didnt go back I stayed in my room for some months drinking jack daniels and coffee every day. Eventually my savings ran out.

I moved onto the agencies and worked with them for a year every day they would ring me ask me if I wanted to work today and that worked really well I paid my bills and worked when I chose.

I chose to change city since then it has drastically gone down hil. In six years I have had four maybe five jobs. one lasted just under a year the other lasted 8 months and the latest 3 months or maybe it was two. other than that the others were with agencies.

I have found employers are one of two things... Unwilling to learn about their employee because they can replace them in a heartbeat or just dont want to know someone with dyspraxia/ADD. I find my employers generally LIKE me because I am a hard worker and always try my best to make their day just a little bit happier because a smile costs nothing I like to make people smile or give them pause for thought. I can honestly say not one employer has had the decency to look into my conditions other than to ask ME about them but how do you answer something you cant really define... thats like asking an alcoholic if they are an alcoholic... I think.

my last job was caring for the elderly I really enjoyed it it made me happy to help them even though I was getting paid peanuts to do so... According to the manager ''your attitude does not get along with the management''

I repeatedly told them prior to being fired that if they had a problem with me all they had to do was take me to one side and explain it and allow me to ask questions so I could understand their view better... not once did they do this.

Now I have spent 18 months living in a hostel, I now just recently managed to escape that lunatic asylum where I was accused of taking drugs and being drunk all the time. Now I have my own place doesnt have much but it is mine.. sadly a roof over my head makes no difference to me as I have no work I get more and more thoughts in my head begging for the cool breath of death to take me away.

I spoke to the doctors they want to put me on antidepressants. I struggle to take my migraine tablets effectively why would I want antidepressants to add to my mountain of medicines the doctor prescribes me for my migraines?

I don't know what I seek by posting this I don't know if this lets anyone who isn't a dyspraxic into my world. Considering I wrote to the Dyspraxia Foundation a few months ago seeking advice and they have ignored me. I. Well I don't know.

20/07/2011 18:15:34
BN (Member)