dysTalk Need Help Ideas Insights With 9 Year Old Son - Dyspraxia - Forum - dysTalk

Hello all. I have a lovely 9 year old boy who was diagnosed at the age of 6 with Developmental Coordination Disorder (also called Dyspraxia), NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Visual Spacial Perception Disorder (VSPD). He is quiet, sensitive, generous, thoughtful, very insightful of those who suffer, has a great sense of humour and has a very solid set of values that are black and white, no grey area. His anxiety plays a big part in his life. He has very high standards for himself and is very quick to practice negative self-talk.

From the time he was an infant we knew he something wasnt quite right, but now as he enters a new developmental phase we are wondering of there is more going on.

I am going to assume everyone reading this knows what Dyspraxia looks like. NVLD means my son has issues with output beyond what Dyspraxia causes. He cannot grasp abstract concepts and symbols, logical thought doesnt happen so problem solving is diminished but rote memory is excellent. For example he can read a story but not necessarily connect the events in the story together and recount them. Socialisation is bad, understanding humour is not present. VSPD simply means he cannot mentally grasp 2 or 3 dimensional concepts or objects.

As any parent of a child with issues will know, independence is vital for success. My boy is definitely trying to seek his independence, but combines with the issues stated above, it all comes out as rudeness, even cruelty. We know this is not our kid! We also know he needs to feel his decisions are independent, but we cant let him get away with bad behaviour either! When he does get in trouble, he takes it very hard. He internalizes until it comes spilling out. A huge point of contention is that he requires so much extra rest than his peers and will just not accept it. We have not told him about his diagnosis' because we dont want him to fall into the victim mindset. But now we are at a point where it seems like the only way to get him to understand why he needs the extra rest, as well as the reason for all his other struggles.

So we get into a vicious cycle of a day full of him arguing or misbehaving, me admonishing him (and feeling guilty for it), he gets depressed because of his behaviour, he forgets, he misbehaves again, I get mad, he gets upset, and then at the end of the day the argument over bedtime begins. the more tired he is, the worse the anxiety. It is such a bad cycle!

Any suggestions?

12/07/2011 07:16:37
Liberty

I found the book 1,2,3 magic very good it gives strategies for dealing with behaviour. Sorry I don't know the authors name but if you google it it should come up.

13/07/2011 16:08:01
Pauline

Commitment, communication and teamwork are crucial when parenting dyspraxic child.

15/07/2011 09:21:51
susancruise (Member)

My son was diagnosed with Dyspraxia and other learning difficulties at age 9 and is now 17. Over the years we have worked with an occupational therapist from time to time, always with a lot of success. I have been surprised at the depth and variety of issues they can deal with. Hope this is useful.

18/07/2011 09:15:32
Belinda Grey

Hi

You have got yourhands full and I sympathise very much.

I have 3 children oldest 18 ADHD and dyspraxia, middle 15 hypermobile joints and dyspraxia and the youngest autism, ADHD and dyspraxia(very severe)

Your son sounds like my eldest and the best thing he ever did was see a child pychiatrist referred by my GP.

19/07/2011 12:58:43
Nicola

Respite and time out is what you need. Sounds like you are on a never ending cycle (which I can relate to!). You are not a bad mum if you take time for yourself, be it a hot bath, a walk, or....a night out! Seeing a counsellor or a psychologist can help you and possibly him too. We all need our jug of love topped up otherwise what can we give to others??

On a day to day basis of discipline, counting to 3 and ''front & centre'' have been the best 2 cues that misbehaviour time is O.V.E.R.

Hope that helps just a little.

24/07/2011 12:27:10
Sandra

Hi, I was diagnosed at fourteen - lucky in some ways because it meant I couldn't rely on my label, but unfortunate in others because it meant that I didn't get the support I probably needed. I've written a book which deals with exactly how dyspraxia has effected me. If you're interested, here's the link:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B005WBPM4G

06/11/2011 13:30:56
rosspatrick (Member)

i have a 9 years old son,he has difficulties in learning he cant understand diffrent between similiar word like b&d ,saw&was.he has some difficulties in speech also.hope that helps just a littel

20/12/2011 19:40:47
alfiya

where can I talk to someone as at present I know very little about dyspraxia. I live in north wales near chester.

21/12/2011 20:12:11
jean armstrong

My son is 9 and is also dyspraxic. We have told him about his diagnosis (to the extent a 9-year-old can understand). When we tell him he needs his rest, he groans and gripes, ''it's not fair!'' I just tell him that I agree, it's not fair, but he has so many exceptional qualities that other kids don't have. He's creative, a great problem solver (thinks outside the box), funny - all things that Dyspraxia has given him. I tell him it's NOT a disability, it's a different ability. We talk a lot, and it helps. He also sees a counselor once a week, and he actually loves that. Try not to get frustrated (wine helps) ha ha ha. Just keep talking to him. Remind him how unfare it is for kids that have moms and dads who don't care. He's very lucky to have a mom who loves him so much. He'll get it. If this doesn't work, there are may safe, natural supplements he can take that can calm him in the evening. Ask your doctor what he/she recommends. Also, remind him that he is not bad, his behavior is bad, and even when he is not acting right, you still love him. My son needs a lot of reassurance like that. I hope I have helped.

25/04/2012 22:39:55
jan ivy